Today I want to emphasize a principle I go back to for any reason.
I am one hundred percent responsible for myself and my life.
In this case, this means that I am one hundred percent responsible for the state I am in.
Most people in this world take external clues about what is happening 'out there' in the world and match their state to the stimulus. We all do this at least some of the time, because it is human to do so. The kind of matching we do is based on the paradigm that was transmitted to us by our family, our culture, and other sources such as media, school, friends, religious instruction. What we saw done (modeled) is what we now do. For example, if there is presented before us, say, a rude person on the bus who chose to make a snide comment maybe about our hairdo--that is an external clue. And we may allow that rude person to induce a state in us. We permit the comment to make us feel bad about our hair and also bad about ourselves in the entirety.
As you heal, become stronger, more responsible, more pro-active, with a healthier boundary--it is important to stop matching external clues. (Be patient; it takes time and practice.) Matching your inner state to external clues is an exercise in giving your power away. If a person matches their inner state to every presented external stimulus, then they will only become what the world and its whims made of them.
To own your power and be responsible, learn to deliberately choose and maintain your inner state despite any external clues. The external clues become non-items. Cultivate peace, joy, energy--whatever you want to present to the world and for yourself.
But what if someone is rude to me? (Just a small example--some of our 'external clues' are far more weighty, I know.) Well, I am going to say something that might offend some, but what is "out there" is not 'true' except for the meaning and significance we attach to it--our paradigm habit(s). It is possible to learn to not have any reaction or a selected, deliberate response (that leads to an outcome you understand and desire). You decide. You frame it, interpret it. You respond (not react).
And here is the final thing to know about matching. Very powerful and exciting, I think. Whatever inner state you maintain--the (external) world surrounding you will match. While the world is myriad enough that you can't predict or control everything that comes at you, generally speaking the external world will take cues from and must match your inner state. Your state IS your experience.
If you accept that you are a bad person with a bad hairdo (or etc.), then that is the world you are going to continue to encounter because the external world matches. Unfortunately you let someone else make that determination because you listened to them. (And who are they to you, really?)
If you accept (for example) that the universe is basically benevolent, and that all human beings are on their journey, and we all have burdens we are carrying and thus deserve compassion, and that you are a powerful, responsible person full of joy (this all takes practice!), then the world you walk through will match that.
This is how you program the universe. (Yours!) (How to move the universe . . .)